ART REFLECTING LIFE, LIFE REFLECTING ART

Art is probably too strong a word, but you get the picture! I'm still playing around with Orange Envelopes of Love and am bloody loving it! A quick bit of housekeeping before I get on to the good stuff!

Frequent commenter and Channing Tatum body double j.stern asked if I could describe some of the care home residents and staff. I can only say that I have a room to myself and have yet to meet any other residents, and that after six months I haven't really made much of a connection with the staff. I keep the door shut because I'm often watching something NSFW on my laptop. It also shields (but doesn't block out) an alarm that sounds whenever anyone on this floor (at least 18 beds that I know of) need assistance with anything, and is therefore going almost constantly during the day. My room is also adjacent to a laundry, and I can hear it going even as I write this at ten to one in the fucking morning!

Staff come in every two hours between 6pm and 6am, so I leave a lamp on constantly so as not to be disturbed by the change of light at these intervals. During the day I get a wash, meals are brought to me and dishes collected afterwards, pills are administered and I ring for a urine bottle or bedpan when needed. The staff all wear face masks and plastic aprons due to COVID-19 (although they're all tested and inoculated) which makes it hard to learn names and faces. The staff is overwhelmingly female, with a couple of male nurses in charge of drugs and all-female carers in charge of everything else! Because of where I live they're almost entirely white, also.

The main thing they have in common is they're all overworked! There's no time for idle chitchat and small talk, and things sometimes get overlooked. Some of the staff handle the stress better than others, but there are about four regular members of staff who clearly hate their jobs and make you feel bad for asking for help. The main exception is the cleaning staff; they have to spend a little time in your room so they're generally up for a chat!

Being overworked is why mistakes happen, like the two carers finding a nurse rather than ringing the emergency bell during my minor episode yesterday. I asked five times today for the house manager to come and see me; a move that's almost unprecedented, but I really feel this is worth reporting!  Still, she never showed, so I'll try again Monday (she has the weekends off and goes home at 4pm every day, it's good to be the boss!).

Somewhat more embarrassingly, I rang my call bell this evening because I needed to use the urine bottle, and was left unattended long enough that I ended up pissing the bed. To be fair it's a long time since that's happened, but I take a strong diuretic called furosemide to stop lymph from building up in my legs, and when I need to go the feeling hits like a truck, and I'm often squirming on the bed and making little moaning noises! I guess because I usually hold it they usually keep me waiting, but every two or three months they push their luck a little too far! It's very humiliating.

Karma for watching too many ineed2pee videos back in the day? I regret nothing!

But enough of reality, and back to kinky fantasy! Since posting yesterday I sent out nine replies to prompts that went unanswered, four replies that did get answered, and three responses to posts of my own. I'd say that's a pretty good return on the time invested in writing a few kinky sentences. I also just wrapped up my back and forth with the girl I referred to yesterday as a "bar whore," and who I now will forever affectionately think of as Stinky Lips! I'm hoping we'll play again, we were a very good fit.

My four replies came from:

• A very professional lady who made it very clear what she wanted from a brother/sister hand job scenario. This isn't usually my thing but I liked her kinklist, how she wanted medium length responses regularly over an extended period of time, and how grounded in reality she wanted the whole thing to be. She politely replied that she was my kinklist and thought she was too taboo for me (!) and that she was looking for a pal in the same time zone. No harm, no foul.
• A girl who proposed an elaborate situation where I was the captain of a ship and after months at sea her village was the first I came across. My men killed all the males of the village and rounded up all the women, of which she was the only one defiant instead of crying. She hasn't sent me her kinks/limits though her post said she would, and it's hard to know how rough to be. She said she was looking for a brat tamer, but she has literally not given an inch. It's gotten to the point where I've hinted at the possibility of what they call "non-con," ie rape, and my character has just slapped hers out of frustration, but it's hard to tell where she wants to go with it. She messages pretty sporadically, so maybe I'll find out over the weekend if I cracked the code or crossed the line!
• A girl who had a fantasy in which she was duct taped to a chair in the office for poor performance. I helped her out by feeding her a bottle of water, filming her helplessly gulping it down, and told her I'd be at my desk if she needed anything else, but she hasn't got back to me yet!
• A girl who said she had no limits and would do anything kinky. I asked if I could strap a diaper on her and watch her shit in it; I was working out some frustration after one of you Mal-Pals left a whiny little comment yesterday. She said yes, and we got started, but then I got a weird message asking how old she was and if we knew each other. I explained my inspiration and that she could be herself, my cry-baby commenter or any 18+ character, but she never got back to me after that. I imagine she had a lot of respondents!

I posted my first successful prompt yesterday, based on my misadventures earlier in the day. Here it is now:

[M4F] I just avoided going to hospital - but what if I didn't?!

So I suffer with episodes of supra ventral tachycardia, which basically means my heart sometimes beats at 275bpm; gerbil speed! I just had such an episode an hour and a half ago, but my body righted itself and is fine now.

But what if I had gone to hospital instead? This is a chance for you to let your imagination run wild, you could be:

The sympathetic nurse who feels sorry for me and wants to make my overnight stay as comfortable as possible

The concerned doctor who puts me through a battery of tests

The annoyed ward sister who is angry at me for taking up a bed when my heart has essentially sorted itself out

Send me a PM letting me know who you are and what I need to do.

I am bedridden in real life, this could either play into our role play or not. If you want me bedbound mention it in your opening message.

I got a response four minutes later from a girl that was very sympathetic to my situation, though she threw her own flavour in there (didn't I recognise the hot bimbo everyone teased in college? She always had such a crush on me!) and when I came inside her, at her request, she immediately panicked that she didn't have any birth control and asked if I wanted her to get some Plan B. I pointed out that I was in no condition to raise a kid until I was back on my feet, and I haven't heard back since! Easy come, easy go!

Earlier this evening I received a comment from friend/muse/mentor/simp/stan/sexy motherfucker, Strict Julie. I had mentioned that whilst I abbreviate my name as Tanks, she always calls me Tanky or Tanki. I suggested that she may do this to infantalise me, which is a little ironic as she's the one fantasizing about being diapered. She responded with this:

It's a term of endearment! As in, "please Tanky... please plug my holes for me? Please?"

And you're making me blush re what diaper fetish I have. I want to try it, but I'm legit too embarrassed unless I mess my diaper and have that changed for me (it's soooo gross), and I don't get that turned on by anything less than that, so talk about rock and hard place...

Talk about first world problems! She knows full well that I've long since fantasized about her spending some time in diapers, since before she was even getting spanked on the reg! Now she's telling me she not only wants to be put in a diaper, but she wants to mess it and be changed, and she has a husband who would 100% definitely do it for her, and enjoy it, and a sister that probably wouldn't change her dirty diaper (though who knows with these wacky kids at this point!) but would definitely change a wet one, and would enjoy teasing her to boot.  Well sorry Jules, I love you as much as anyone else at this point, but I'm not going to cry you a river just because you're too big of a wuss to tell your awesome, loving, caring husband what you want from him knowing full well he'd be excited to provide it for you! You take a lot of pride in never using your safewords and absorbing whatever pain or humiliation is directed at you, but this needless self-pity is a lot more gross and unattractive to me than a shitty rear end!

I know Julie will read this, and won't be expecting a lecture, and I hope we'll still be friends, but I had to get that off my chest. If I can't be honest here, then where can I be?

As you can probably tell, I was pretty frustrated reading that yesterday (I've slept since I started writing this!) And decided to vent over on r/dpp with the following post:

[M4F] Let me change your dirty diaper!

OK, so my friend (female) has left a post on my blog complaining that she wants to wear a diaper and mess it and have her husband clean her up, but she's too embarrassed to ask him! I'd strap her in the damn thing myself but she lives in a different country. It's got me very frustrated, she's been on the edge of doing this for a while now and has started making her feelings known anonymously on her blog and to me via my blog and e-mail, but not telling her husband! He would definitely enjoy doing it for her, plus she's put him in diapers and made him mess them and then changed him!

So, seeing as I can't change her, let me change you! Message me asking me to put you in your first adult diaper or come to me with a messy diaper you want changed. I'll assume we're at home together unless you specify otherwise. All characters 18+, obviously, other than that we can take this in literally any direction you want!

Looks like somebody needs changing! Tell me Adriana Evans isn't sexy!

Well, within an hour I had two responses, one with a description of herself and a list of links who sucked on her pacifier whilst I cleaned her up and gave her an enema, and one playful little minx who is a lot more talkative, offering not-so-subtle hints but letting me call the shots. I'm currently feeding her porridge that may well have been cut with laxatives, and I'm going to take her shopping!

I wish I found this outlet years ago, it really does seem the next best thing to paying for a professional to act your fantasies out. The main goal is to find a real life sub, but I'm in no rush, and this is good training for dealing with pouty bullshit!

Peace!

✌