Sunday, February 27, 2022

A PERVERT ROBOT HELPED ME WRITE STRICT JULIE FANFIC!!!

Hi there, Functionals! I started another blog post about a week ago, and it's taken a lot out of me emotionally. I'm still at the shitty home with no movement date in sight. So frustrating! I do have other big news, but I'll share that next time.

What I have done in the last week was find out about InferKit, the neural network that generates further text to continue a passage you give it. It seems to be super smart; it'll generate different continuations even if you put the same text in two different times (or, indeed, countless times)!

I wrote a story starring Strict Julie, as I am wont to do, first letting the robot chip in (or microchip in, wokka-wokka!) and then giving it more words as it built up my trust. By the end Of let the robot write almost half the story, letting it carry on when it was on an interesting tangent.

To begin with I rewrote the beginning of Julie's last family dinner, thinking that would give us room to manoeuvre. I have since coloured the robot's contributions in scarlet. I hope you enjoy it!

Sunday was dinner at Julie's parents' house. They generally got told about all her more serious misbehaviour-based spankings. This is something she felt she wanted as part of her spanked wife status from the start: that extra reality (and, yes, extra embarrassment) of trusted others knowing. Sue and her girlfriend Amanda would be there as well this week. Everyone present would be in her inner circle. Amanda had mainly seen (and participated in) David being dominated by Julie and Sue, but she knew the full story of Julie being a spanked wife as well from Sue. Julie's parents did not know that the three women played with David in this manner; only that Julie was a spanked wife and that David did his best to keep her under his thumb.

Little prima donna that Julie was, when she got to the table where lunch was being served she made a show of wincing as she sat and saying "ouch." There was very little acting required!

Sue knows when her little sister is fishing to be embarrassed by her spankings and took the bait. Right in front of everybody she asked, "Oh my. Look at you sitting. Did you get a spanking just now?"

Julie turned bright red. "Yes, it's true that I was spanked by your husband for being in his way. As you can see," she said, turning around in her chair and showing her bottom to everyone at the table, "he likes to take care of his wife."

Julie's mother let out a gasp of shock; her father grinned but made a joke of partially shielding his face whilst peeking through her fingers. Her husband, David, barked "Put it away, Julie!," and her sister Sue giggled and pointed out a particularly nasty bruise to her own partner, Amanda.

"I assume she meant she was getting in your way?" Julie's mother asked David. As much as she loved her daughter, she had to admit there were times she could be very airheaded, getting confused by things like which traffic lights represented what, whether doors were open or closed, and who was bound by which marital vows.

"That's right," said David, "I spanked her for disturbing me whilst I was watching my spaceships show on the television. Still, I made it up to her later on. Tell everyone what we did that night, Julie!"

Julie blushed and said "Come on, David, I want to hear about it." She squeezed his knee affectionately and smiled shyly.

David waited while the younger members of the household were served their lunch, talking happily about the various upcoming trips and changes they had in store. When everyone was done, Julie said, "OK, then. Let's get started, shall we?"

It was now early afternoon, the group were relaxed, and Julie's nephews had taken their lunch into the living room where they were taking it in turns on a noisy video game. As Julie's mother opened a fresh bottle of wine David started telling about their sexy evening together after Julie's well-earned spanking.

 "Well, Julie was feeling the pain in her bottom, naturally, and was a bit stressed out after a lengthy stay in the corner," David said. "I decided to run her a nice hot bath with lots of bubbles! Well, after keeping her company a little bit she got a little feisty and decided I should get in the bath with her! And, well, Julie, you should tell them what happened next!"

"Ah yes, I was getting her to take off her clothes whilst I soaped her up and, well, as I was shaving her bottom, we got a little carried away," he said, pausing to let his audience of one digest the last part of his story.

"Can we, David, please go on? How did you get her in such a state of arousal?" Sue asked, anxiously taking her own hand out from under the table, where she had been rubbing Amanda's thigh. She was the only one paying attention, the other guests were pretending to cover their ears as David casually revealed how Julie's shapely bottom was hairy enough to require regular shaving.

David took a sip of his wine and carried on, a little annoyed at how Julie was failing to contribute. "I'm not entirely sure; I don't think she fully understands it herself. A spanking always puts her in the mood for sex a little later; I think because it makes her feel seen and paid attention to, and also because she finds it sexy that I could really hurt her, but don't. It's as if she put her body and her mind up as collateral and gambled with her vulnerability, both mentally and physically. And the bet paid off, so she needs to celebrate."

"That's really interesting, David, I've never thought of Julie's identity as a 'spanked wife' quite like that before," said Julie's mother. "Tell us, Julie, do you have any other fetishes  you'd like to tell us about?"

"Oh, yes!" said Julie. "I am definitely aroused by anything that involves a penis; for example, I'm really turned on by having a penis being stroked in my hand. I like it when a man kisses me on the cheek or behind my ear, but really want to make him go down on me too, although I'm not really confident about that myself. I think it's because my own husband hasn't been very good at giving me oral."

David spat out his wine in shock as the other diners laughed at this revelation. "You've never complained before!" he exclaimed, feeling his face go red from embarrassment.

"I'm sure you just need a little course-correction," said Amanda, trying to play peacekeeper as Julie's family howled with laughter 

"I've got some tips for you David!" Julie's father offered, causing her mother to slap him with a napkin.

"Doug!" she exclaimed, a little embarrassed but also a little bit smug. Turning to her daughter Julie once more she said "I'm sorry to hear David's been letting you down. Are there things you've been doing to stimulate yourself sexually?"

 Julie paused before answering, then admitted "You know, I have a passion for oral sex!" she said in a conspiratorial tone to her parents, whispering, but only just.

"Well, if you'd like to find out more, Julie, I can show you the best way to please a man in bed, and make him cum inside you!" her mother suggested as David started to blush again at this new source of amusement for his audience.

"In that case, you'd better let me have David to myself," Sue teased, patting him on the arm.  "Amanda and I can talk you through the finer points of eating pussy!"

"Hang on a second!" said Doug. "What do you expect me to do whilst you're all off giving each other tips for the bedroom?"

Julie thought for a second. "I can't really get David to help me with my hairbrush?" she pondered, her face flushing red in embarrassment once again. "I'm sorry David, you can't come in the shower with me either?

"Oh no," David replied. "This isn't about getting wet, it's about you giving me a quick explanation of your fantasies. I think you'll get a good idea of what makes a woman orgasm when you listen to us."


As he said this, his eyes locked onto his father-in-law, who was looking perplexed. Doug couldn't help but think David had misunderstood Julie's comment about coming in the shower, but decided to focus on the comment she had directed to him.

 "You'd like me to give you a hairbrush spanking, to show David how a real man does it? Well, I can do that, though your bottom looked plenty sore enough! Well, let's do this!"

 He moved his chair away from the table in order to accommodate his daughter over his lap. Julie got up from her seat and took his hand, leading him to the centre of the dining room, her face bright red.

He sat down across from her, and helped her take the pants down off her legs, then watched as she struggled with getting her jeans and knickers off. She was obviously finding it difficult, and he became a little concerned when she just stood there. He realised she must have the same problem getting out of jeans.

He called her over to the sofa, where her nephews were still playing their video game. "Help me pull these jeans off your auntie Julie, please, lads," he said, taking his daughter by the waist. "I don't want to have to remind you twice!"

Her nephews began to tear her jeans, her boyfriend's clothes, panties, shoes, bra, socks and everything else off her body. She hadn't noticed this, having her eyes focused firmly on Doug who was standing by the sofa, watching the activity.

He had an understanding of the realities of puberty, and understood the way a young girl's body reacted to it. His erection had not disappeared. He took a cushion from the couch and thanked his nephews before taking his daughter by the arm and leading her back into the dining room.

Doug sat on his chair once more, put the cushion over his lap, and addressed his daughter once more. "Enough playing around, Julie. If you want me to give you a spanking then this is your opportunity."

He sensed disappointment from his daughter. She knew she had crossed a line by talking so frankly with Sue and Edna about their sexual preferences for others in the living room last night, and despite Jenny's invitation, Sue knew that Jason was not alone when he asked her for 'show and tell'.

Doug held his head up high and delivered the firmest of whacks. "What is there I should give you a little better swat than 'Emily' do," he asked, repeating a phrase that one time he'd heard in a poorly dubbed Swedish film. Julie let out a little yelp of pain. She hadn't realised how drunk and inappropriate she had been at her parent's book club meeting the previous evening. Had she really harassed Edna  about her sexual preferences when they were discussing td works of Douglas Coupland? And why had she agreed to play Strip Poker with Jenny, Jason, and that other guy?

Julie felt very embarrassed as her father continued to spank her naked in front of her closest family. David and Sue were smirking at the site of Julie's naked bottom.

"What do you think I should give you a spanking that might make it worth more?" he enquired as he brought his hand down again. "Oooohhhh!" Julie yelped as she squirmed a little, trying to escape the big hand.

Doug dropped his hand for a moment. "No, no, no. 'Emily' only requires one swat, does she?"

"No sir," replied Julie.

"I think you're right, 'Emily,' you require many more!" Doug said, bringing his hand down hard for a number of spanks in quick succession. "But we're forgetting, you wanted a hairbrush spanking, did you not? Let's give that a try."

 Julie's mother handed him a hairbrush to use on Julie's throbbing bottom. As he applied it to her reddening skin, Julie's face was still lit with anger, but now she was also with embarrassment. Her bottom must have been a perfect red colour. The brush stung like a motherfucker, and Julie yelped even harder.

"Julie, I'm very disappointed in you this morning. I saw your little conversation with Edna and Sue in the living room last night, and it was all quite inappropriate. I want you to be honest with your parents, so if you feel like you want to ask your dad for a spanking any time in the future then do so, you have my full blessing," said Julie's mother. " Is there anything else we should be doing to punish you on occasion?"

"NO, I'm sorry, Mummy," replied Julie. "I just don't know how to get control of my tongue sometimes."

She felt her dad pat her bottom, and said a little awkwardly, "My daughter needs a spanking. I should be in charge of this. My other children also have a curfew, and we have to get up at six o'clock to get to work on time. What do you think I should do about your drunken behaviour last night?"

Doug was gentle as he spanked Julie's bare bottom. He spanked the same spot many times, and Julie's eyes were full of tears. Eventually he decided she'd had enough, and stood up to give her a hug. She gave her mom an apologetic cuddle too, wishing she could put some clothes on.

"Sometimes when Julie's been naughty I punish her by sticking things in her bottom," David volunteered. "Julie, why not list six or seven things you've had pushed into your bottom hole?"

Julie shook her head. "I don't know how to explain that to people." She started crying. "Why did I say that about Edna and Sue?" she wailed.

"I'm sorry, Julie," said David. "I'll tell them that you told us the truth, and that you were just feeling a bit lonely. And there's no need to be embarrassed about talking about something like that with your parents, is there?"

"No, I'm sorry, Mum," said Julie, wiping her eyes. "It's just not something I usually talk about. It's private."

"Well, we're all family here, nobody is going to judge you. Would it help if I told you some of the things Doug and I have pushed up my butt?"

Julie nodded, and David continued, "My favourite was when Doug did an interlude during the spanking, and pushed his penis right up inside me. It was really nice! I think it's quite special that you're talking about these things with your parents, isn't it?"

Julie's mum smiled. "I can think of one other thing you should mention," she said, fingering the bottom of her daughter's underwear. "My son pushed a spade bit right into the centre of your bottom hole once too, and you have a nice scar from where it splintered."

 Julie was shocked, she hadn't realised her father had anally penetrated her husband whilst she was bent over awaiting further spanking. "It is nice to talk about these things," she agreed. "May I get dressed again, or is someone going to stick something inside me?"

"It's a bit wet in there, isn't it?" her mum joked.

David laughed, "Yes, but it won't hurt if you get used to it." Julie asked to be left alone, and went to have a shower. After she had cleaned herself up, she got back into her pyjamas and went back to bed.

"Wow, that was a naughty behaviour, even by your standards," said David. "Julie, I believe that you will need to be spanked again for it."

"I don't know about that," replied Julie. "My bottom is so sore right now."

"It is very sore," her husband agreed. "Is there something else you would rather we did?" 

Julie thought for a moment. "I'd like to have a kiss and cuddle with you, if you're up for it."

David's eyes sparkled. "I'd love that, love."

They were lying side by side, kissing and caressing each other's naked bodies. She reached over and unfastened David's trousers, and gently pushed them off his legs.

"Oh, you naughty boy," David laughed, sitting up to give her his jeans. "Can't let you get them off, can I?"

He pushed them down, and Julie was treated to the sight of the most enormous penis she had ever seen.

"That's my baby," she exclaimed. "It's so big, but it's really soft, isn't it?"

"I know it's big, but I don't mind," replied David. "It makes me feel so happy to see you this happy. And it's lovely to make you happy."

Julie was admiring his penis. It was unusually long for a boy, but not unusually long for a grown man. She also noticed that he was the only man she'd ever met who had very, very hairy balls. She guessed that they would be knobbly, as they were already hairy and hard.

She reached forward and began to stroke them.

"Hey, this tickles!" said David, laughing.

"It tickles a lot," Julie told him, grinning. "I've never felt anything like this before!"

"I know. It's quite exciting."

Julie was revelling in feeling his penis on her hand. "It doesn't really feel that soft to me, I think it's a bit strange," she explained.

"It is strange," agreed David, smiling. "I suppose if you're used to having smooth skin on your hands, then it might be odd to feel my big, hairy, hard balls and surprisingly rough penis. Well, good night!"

 He turned off the light, and Julie lay there naked, thinking about the afternoon she'd just had. One thing was for sure, she was definitely going to sleep with a pillow between her legs!

When Julie awoke, it was still very dark. She could smell coffee and bacon in the kitchen.

"Is that breakfast ready?" she asked.

"It is now, love," her husband replied.

She got up and headed downstairs, still naked. 

"Looks like someone had a good night," Sue said sarcastically to Amanda, who giggled appreciatively. Julie sat with them at the table, helping herself to breakfast food.

They were all completely surprised when David joined them, dressed in tattered pyjamas. "Where the hell have you been, you madman?" demanded Janet

David stood up and smiled at the women. "What are you looking at, you twat?"

He put on a very obvious smirk. "Shove your camera away, woman! It's not even warm outside!"

David headed into the kitchen, and Janet followed him.

"Oi, you're not off the hook that easy, man!" demanded Janet.

David was about to reply when Julie entered the kitchen, as naked as the day she was born. "Who is this woman?" she demanded.

David stared at her for a moment before saying, "This is Julie."

After seating himself at the table, he continued, "She has come to stay until tonight, then she'll be going back to work."

Julie looked at the four of them, smiling in amazement. How did they ever find an attractive single girl without revealing themselves to all and sundry? 

 "Oh really?" she asked seductively. "And what do you suggest we do until then?"

 David smiled, sure that she would like his answer, as would his sister-in-law and her girlfriend. "We are all going to watch a film, then you're going to show us a few of your favourite scenes."

Julie was confused. "A film? Aren't most films performed at home?"

David held up his hand. "No! How can it be performed at home when you film them at your place? I won't let you forget this."

Sue strode towards Julie and slapped her. "You stupid slut, after reading about my own fiancé just today, you couldn't manage to ask him who he was or why he was marrying a lesbian. I can't believe your arrogance! What are you going to do to make this up to us?"

"I think the first thing I need to do, before you come up with any more ideas, is to find the most expensive prostitute this side of the planet!"

A knowing look came over her face as she left the room.

David called after her, "She was real! Have a look at her photos. And how big are her tits, to be honest? Are they big or are you just greedy?"

Sue leaned over and thumped him hard on the back of his knobbly balls, causing him to double over in pain. "Don't let your idiot wife wander the streets of Toronto naked and looking for a prosititute! What kind of an idiot are you!?"

David called after her. "Julie, you don't need a prostitute! Amanda, Janet, and I will do whatever sexual acts you like, on film if necessary! Just tell us what we should do!"

Julie came back. "I know what I want, and it's this: David, Amanda, come with me to our suite. Amanda, leave the porno and copy Pete's stories to a disk."

"David! We'll check the disks before we do anything!" called Janet.

David stood and smiled, looking at his sister-in-law and her girlfriend. Neither of them seemed as upset by his nudity as the rest of his family did, but that could just be because they were naked too. Although he doubted it, the tattered pyjamas he had been wearing were very unflattering.

Amanda put down her porno and set Pete's stories transferring from her laptop to an external hard drive. She went upstairs to join the naked married couple, and Sue was hot on her heels. Janet stayed downstairs, doing some IT work.

"Well, here we are, Julie, naked and in private. What now? " asked David.

"Now, I want to start with some pillow talk." she replied.

David nodded. "All right."

"We're all going to start our pleasuring in this position." she continued. "Me on top. Okay? David, you lie on your back with the pillows under your head. Okay?"

"Okay."

"You'll notice some signs of arousal already, I think."

As she sat down, Amanda hit her switch in her side office. Immediately a whirlwind of erotic films fluttered past her screen: frolicking young girls in stockings and garters, sado-masochistic blow jobs, sweet lovestruck boys reading great literature, voluptuous women in expensive fishnet stockings, and then a crucifix being slowly raped by a hooded headless man.

Julie noticed the moaning boys on the screen, and then gave a shudder. She swung around on the couch so that her upper body was visible for sure. "If I could say just one thing we should all remember after the adventures of the last 24 hours it would be this: the next time I look at my pretty husband, I'm not going to see a sissy man who wants to emasculate me. I'm going to see a man-woman who loves to fuck and/or please. Because this house isn't about possessions; it's about celebrating life together."

Then she gave her loving family a big hug, and fell asleep knowing she must be one of the luckiest girls in all of central Canada.

The End


What do you think? Pretty uncanny in places, right? Bring on the Singularity!


Eat Peace, Motherfuckers! ✌

Tuesday, February 1, 2022

DOING THE LAUNDRY: STEAMY SUPERCHARGED EDITION

Hello, Function-y Bunch! Hopefully this will be the last time I write to you from Shitbox Care Home PLC, as I am due to move on Wednesday! But before I get to you with the positive things that have been going on I felt I needed to address the latest post from my friend Strict Julie on her blog, titled Doing the Laundry.

I was enthralled reading it. It's a lot darker than most of what Julie writes, and her husband David treats her pretty appallingly throughout, although Julie is clearly responding to it physically and not using her safewords. She's more than capable of sticking up for herself if she thinks a line has been crossed. The scene involves a hand spanking followed by oral and vaginal pentration. Julie is teased constantly for her high libido and for acting like a horny freshman away from home for the first time rather than a career woman in her forties.

At the end it's revealed that the scene had been established beforehand, and that David was playing a part. It's something of a bait-and-switch, but it's a relief to have it verified that David was chasing the game of a scene rather than being monstrous for no reason

Here's my issue with the post, though:

Nobody does any fucking laundry!!!!!

What the Hell? There's talk of laundry that needs doing; in fact a pair of trousers get stained and David specifically mentions they will need to pre-treated before cleaning, but then this tantalising plotline is abruptly dropped! Chekhov would not approve!

The only other mention of laundry comes at the very end of the story, when, after being spanked and fucked or whatever Julie ends with "I have laundry to do."

I don't know if she thinks that by mentioning laundry twice she reaches some threshold for minimum viable product, or if she is just trolling her readers, but I think she's better than this and that she should write with integrity rather than using sexy clickbait titles to drive up her readership. How is this a post about "Doing the Laundry?" Imagine if Waiting For Godot ended with Vladimir and Estragon deciding "We have Godot to wait for!" Ludicrous.

I wrote to Julie in private saying I thought she was above using cheap tricks and gimmicks to drive up her page count, and rather than showing remorse she went through a butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth act, pretending she didn't know what I was talking about, and that she wasn't trying to drive up page views. I'll let you, the reader, be the judge, but I think we all know how sexy laundry is and launderers are.

Coincidentally, I happen to have experience working as a launderer! As such, I decided to write a continuation of Julie's story using some of my expertise to help her out. Like all stories involving dry-cleaning equipment, it ended up being pretty erotically charged!

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